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Monday, August 12, 1991
I took out Tracey to the Theatre to see "Doc Hollywood." The lesson that I learned that day was don't be cheap on a date, meaning buy her things by offering her something from the snack bar. Plus act normally [like every day activity with Chris] at anywhere you might go to. The reason that I'm writing this entry is because I lost a probably a future girlfriend because I tried calling her and she wouldn't return my phone calls. I met her at her work place at (Restaurant) - she was a waitress there and the first time I saw her was she was my waitress and I really enjoy the way she took care of me. She has a pretty smile and the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. But I have to try to forget her because she receive a scholorship to go to a college up east and she probably meet someone new.
Monday, Feb 3, 1992
I'm writing this entry in my Journal to remind me of the fact that I shouldn't believe everybody's word except when it is in writing <meaning: don't be so gullible>
Reason: back when, when I was 18 years of age, I had my head up my ass <for the obvious reasons> and I was caught shoplifting. I pleaded guilty to crime and according to pre-trail advisory committee, as long as I plead guilty and swear never to commit another crime my name would be cleared of all charges. And now in 92' it looks like my name isn't cleared and even being cleared by and serving the Army. I will have more information in the days to come.
Monday, February 24, 1992
Never pick up girls who's main desire during the date is to smoke crack. They do not know what they do when there under the drug. There very selfish, always thinking of herself not of you and your needs.
Friday, February 28, 1992
I am writing this for me to express my idea on AIDS. I don't believe in AIDS on the count of bad sex. My belief is that the thing that they call AIDS is only a blood-diesase that forms when people are not true to their fellow man. To me AIDS comes from God - Almighty when people break one of his Ten Commandments. FOr thousands of years man have had sex or love and nothing really serious happens to them. Another point I like to make is that like, cancer do people know where this comes from No they don't! When people have cancer of any area, doctors tells them and how bad it is and how long they have to live. All Aids is that [to the people who started it] another reason for the Christian-majority of politicians and church leaders trying to stop people from having sex before marriage. Because to their belief, sex is forbidden before marriage. That in itself is outrageous because god had created us to be sinners in the eyes of god not to be perfect in all ways. We will always be making mistakes that's the reason for being a sinner. It's only when you do something bad to other people that you wouldn't do to yourself. MEANING: DO UNTO OTHERS FOR THEM TO DO UNTO YOU.
I'm not saying that I'm right, but until I either get HIV positive or die and confront god on judgement day and then and only then will I be convinced that I'm right or not.
Saturday, February 29, 1992
I am thinking about writing a book about my life. If I do I will call it "MEMOIRS OF A LONELY MAN"
Saturday, February 29, 1992
(GOODWILL)
I'm figuring out the percentages % of Federal, State, and S.S. taxes plus medicare taxes. There are as follows:
Fed State S.S. Medicare For me only
.12474 .02355 .06198 .0145 .007648
Saturday evening, February 29, 1992
It was one of my bad days as you might say. I was in a accident that was my fault. The sun got in my eyes and temporarily blinded me and I accidently hit the other car. It was a woman driver she had no known injuries in the accident and minor damages on her car. But my car on the other hand had slight damages but more than her car. I don't know why but I can't seem to get control of my actions lately. I hope to find myself again and stop being what I hate.
Wednesday, March 4, 1992
I received a letter last week from Kathleen. She answered my letter and told me that I was a perfect gentleman and I did nothing wrong on the date but, why do I feel so bad about that night, why do I feel so wrong, like I didn't do a good job at bringing her out. And if she did say that I was a perfect gentleman, why she didn't called me after the date and even after I called her three times and no returned phone calls. I still confused about that night but I going to stay to my ideas and try to relax during my next date and don't tell her about my past love life. Try to talk to her about life get to know her inside and out.
Wednesday, March 11, 1992
Went to the V.D. clinic on S. Claiborne today to get my HIV test. I plan on getting counseling on my beliefs and helping with my obsession with sex. I beginning to think that I am paranoid because I the only one that's thinking that aids comes from god and not by sex. But I still want more information on HIV and AIDS so I can be more convinced.
Thursday, April 16, 1992
Today I went back to V.D. clinic to get my results on my blood test and came out negaitive. I need to go back to talk to a counselor about my beliefs on their hyphosis <scientific guess>. God help me with my search for the answers to the truth.
Monday, August 3, 1992
Today I met Laura, who works at Walt Disney World outside of (a certain ride). She's the same as I she like's the same music. Strange place to meet some-one that enjoys good music. I thinking about asking her to be a pen-pal. And by the way this starts my vacation at Disney World. I hope to meet her tomorrow.
Saturday, October 3, 1992
Tonight I met O'lympia on the usual corner. She was real good in bed. The first time that I didn't come when doing 69 and she also licked my asshole that was a weird feeling. For the first time since starting going out there, I gave a girl my number. Maybe the reason I didn't come was that I concentrate on something else like "NOTHING."
Wednesday, November 25, 1992
I'M WRITING THIS TO REMIND ME TO NEVER RENT A CAR ON A WEEK DAY. FRIDAY AND SATURDAYS ONLY ALSO I MET DEBBIE (A.K.A. LACEY) WHO WAS PRETTY GOOD BUT, TOO NERVOUS ABOUT LOSING HER SHIT. I PLAN TO CALL HER IN THE NEW YEAR. BUT ONLY IF SHE IS CLEAN (DRUG FREE).
UPDATE
Wednesday, December 16, 1992
I MET LACEY AT BURGER KING ON CARROLLTON AFTER I CALLED HER FOR A DATE ON THIS DATE. WE SPENT THE AFTERNOON SHOPPING FOR HER CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. THE REASON I DID THIS WAS I WANTED TO GIVE DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON. WHEN WE FINALLY GOT TO THE HOTEL SHE WANTED TO GET SOME LIQUOR AND STUFF. I THOUGHT THAT GIVING HER SOME CLOTHES AND HER MONEY, SHE WOULD BE SATISFIED, BUT SHE WAN'T SO THAT NIGHT WAS THE LAST NIGHT I DATED HER.
Monday, June 8, 1992
On this day I seen RIDE in concert for the first time. It was my first "live guitar" rock concert, they were extraordinary, I felt so much emotions that night, it was beautiful. I can't wait for there next album and concert. I feel the same way about RIDE as I feel about DEPECHE MODE, ERASURE, or MORRISSEY, plus RIDE is the first band of the 90s that I love to listen to.
Tuesday, November 10, 1992
Tonight I saw MORRISSEY in concert for the first time. Because it's the first time he came to New Orleans since that time that Morrissey was supposed to come to N.O. last November but cancelled. It was a excellent concert even though there was no encore. I believe the security had something to do with it.
Tuesday December 17, 1992
The morning after I dated Lacey, I had a knock on the door. It was two women who was asking me if I was a party person that they had heard about from a friend. So I let them in because it was cold outside and they wanted to talk. So we talk and I decide to date them but, the only problem I had was getting to a ATM machine. It took awhile to find a machine when we did I got the money for the date and we were on our way. There names were Ginger and Dana. Dana was the woman that I dated she was great sex but just like all the rest who used crack. I was ready, she wasn't, I hate waiting because I get so anxious to do the love making I start to get a little angry, but, she was worth it. I thought.
December 24, 1992
I had a good expanations that I would have a good time that might want Dana only and also with Ginger. But, like always, whatever I want, it never happens. What happened was, I left work to meet Dana at Circle K for 10:00 but she wasn't there so I waited outside in the cold until midnight and then I decided to go to the (local bar that is actually now owned by a friend of mine... small world!) for a coke and to wait. It was 2:00 when I decided to go to her apartment and see if she was there. She wasn't so I decided to go home with my presents that I had gotten for her and Ginger. Right when I got home the phone rang and it was Ginger and they were at a friends house and they needed a ride from there to go home I thought. So me not having a car I offered them a ride in a cab. They said no, and decide to take their friend's truck while he was asleep. They did and they came to pick me up from my house. Tey had trouble finding my house, they were knocking on someone else's door instead of mine. They called me again and ask were was I. so I left home and walked to Causeway to meet them. Then from there we went to purchase some crack from some hoods on the other side of Causeway. They ran to the truck like bees to honey. Two different hoods were trying to sell crack to Dana and Ginger . Me, myself personally, I hate to be around people like them. The point being there was enough, plus, the fact of being in a car with no insurance on us, no driver's license, and no title registration in the name of either of the girls or myself. So after I brought her two pieces ($40.00) we left there to go to her friends house to return the truck. Then again I offered to call a cab, they agreed but after waiting awhile they decided to take the truck again. I tried to change their mind but it did no good. So again were back in the "stolen" truck even though they ask their friend to borrow it, he said just for a little while. But they didn't return it when he asked. When we finally got to the apartment, Dana told me that she was having her period and that we couldn't have sex now but I could have it with Ginger instead. Ginger was okay I was looking forward to having sex with Dana. From that night, I felt like that I was lied to from the beginning of the schedule date , where they were almost where they were supposeod to be, because when I was waiting at Circle K for them they said they passed by in a car or truck and didn't see me and even called Circle K to see if I was there. Question, if they started out bar to bar hopping and finally to their friends' house, how did they passed by and not see me? And also Dana knew about her problem and didn't tell me until we got to her apartment. She wanted crack so much, she didn't mind lieing to me. I'm uncertain about seeing her again. So far, she hasn't call me for anything.
Monday, May 10, 1993
I went today to get my second blood test to test for HIV. I will know my results on May 24. I hope I'm still right about my beliefs.
Monday, May 24, 1993
I went today to get my results on my HIV TEST, it as NEGITIVE. I glad it was negative even though I don't care either way.
Monday, July 5, 1993
Today, I went with Peter and Melissa to the French Quarter. While we were there, I had my palm read. And he said that my lucky numbers was 137, and my lucky days were wednesdays and saturdays. I was also told to be careful on September 18th because something going to happen to me on that date. Nothing fatal just a small warning. Also he reconfired my beliefs about being a chef. He said that in the future I could own my own business or serve people like a chef. And about my love line he said that I never felt love before, or just never quite found it, but there's something in the future. My life line was fine, I'm expected to live a long time.
Tuesday, July 27, 1993
Tonight I went with THERESA to the show and drinks. We went with MATTHEW and SHIRLEY to see "Another Stakeout" and then to Obie's for drinks and play pool. We had a great time and THERESA was beautiful that night, her eyes seemed to sparkle and shine with the moon-light. ON that night I found out that THERESA was a good pool player. There's an activity that we can do in the future together. Also her hair was beautiful too. When the night was over I droved her home to ALGIERS. She lives in an apartment complex called (name of complex) off of General de Gaulle. I walk her to her apartment and she kiss me goodnight on my right side of lips but not on my lips. I hope I can see her again this weekend, or next week. I hope this feeling doesn't leave me and I hope that she feels the same about me that I feel about her.
UPDATE - Tuesday, August 10, 1993
After some time since our date she decided that she just wanted to be friends. But what kind of friend hardly ever does talk to you? Sometimes it feels like she ignoring me. I think she really likes but is afraid that another guy will hurt her again. Even though it stills hurt to think about her now, I still what to be her friend. And maybe in time she will trust me well enough to love her like she wants to be love.
Friday October 8, 1993
On this day I seen Depeche Mode in concert. It was a great concert except for the ending which was ut short because of Dave Gahan's getting sick and passing out back stage. I hope he feels better soon and comes back to play in N.O. again. The opening song was "Higher Love" plus before teh song actually started there was lighting flashes and thunder rumbling, and three see-through curtains from top of the stage to the bottom, Dave on the stage itself & Martin, Andy, and Andrew on top of this large box that had video screens in it. With the bright white light shining behind them they look larger than life. It was excellent.
Saturday, Jan 1, 1994
Today will mark the last day, that I will ever date a prostitute again. Not because of the financial aspects of the ordeal but, because if I can make a "lady of the night" fall in love with me. I know there's a girl out there who can do the same. I know as I write this it's not going to be easy to do what I have just written but, I have to see this through. If I ever want to see my dreams come true.
Thursday, March 24, 1994
Today I went to Jefferson Parish Health Unit to get my Third HIV Test Done. The results will be in two weeks. I hope the results will be satisfactory.
UPDATE: Friday April 15, 1994 (this entry was added after the fact)
I've received my results today concerning my HIV test. There were negitive.
Thursday, March 24, 1994
Today I went to get my Third HIV test done. I will find out my results in two weeks on April 7, 1994. I hope my belief is right, now that my life has changed.
Saturday, April 9, 1994
Today I called to get any messages that were in my voice mailbox. There were two, Heaven and Monique. Heaven's 29 and has four children and lives with her mother and she's working to achieve her H.S. Diploma. Monique's 35, she and I decided to be friends. My experience with this personnel ad was I learning experience even though, I didn't meet anyone in person yet. I going to try this again in the future.
Monday, April 11, 1994
Today I was supposed to had met Heaven at the Riverwalk. But, she never show up and in by surprise I met La-Quana. She was working outside of the Riverwalk mall. She was selling film and disposable cameras. She had a beauty that I haven't seen for a long time. She was interested in why and what I was waiting for, and from that we started communicating about different subjects school, dating, life, etc. I going to take her to lunch Wed. after school. I hope she likes me as much as I'm beginning to like her.
UPDATE - Friday, May 21 1994 -
I decided that it would be best if she and I just be friends.
Sunday, June 5, 1994
I been waiting for this night since Sunday, October 8, 1993. Tonight I saw Depeche Mode again in concert. It was great. David look better than ever before. The stage was scale-down to display a tighter playing Depeche Mode. Same goes for the lighting and visuals-paved down and to the point. I went with Melissa and Peter and, I brought along a friend from work. Her name is Cathy she's a cashier who works there part-time. We all had a great time, and as a matter of fact, it was Melissa's first concert ever. It was sad to see that the concert had to end and for the lights to come on. But at least, I was able to see them again within one year's time from the last performance.
Monday and Tuesday Night, August, 1994
These two nights were the only good things to come out of my trip with Jack and Dan. On these two nights I met this extraiondary, beautiful, and lovely looking woman (or ladely). Her name is Clarissa. Her name is as almost as beautiful as she is. She ask me to have a private dance with her, in the back part of the club which was called Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea (not the real name but ALMOST as good as this one, I promise) - She was as naked as a jay bird. But, man, was she beautiful. How can one woman look so beautiful? I will never know. The lap dance she gave me was out of this world. On Tuesday night I went back there again, alone. And Clarissa was there by the bar alone. When I walk through the door, she seem to light up like a Christmas tree because she was so glad to see me again. I ask her, Monday night, after our dance, if we could talk but she was buying at the time lap dancing with other men (20 dollars a dance), so Jack, Dan, and I left the club for the night. So on Tuesday night I finally had my chance to talk to her. And after we talk and lap danced together, again, I ask her if she would like to go out with me to Walt Disney World. And since she never been there before, she said yes and gave her home phone number (it's actually written here, obviously we won't write it). I hope her intentions are as real as mine.
NOT! (written in after the fact)
Friday, December 23, 1994
Today I met Tyresa who I had just called the other day. She had an ad in the person to personnels in the Lagniappe section of the Friday's Times Picayune. She was searching or looking for a soul-mate who was longing for a relationship, and I was. I met her at the Lake Forest Shopping Center. She look different than I had hope for, but after talking for awhile I began to like her even more. She's 6'4 and fully built (48 inch chest) and a little bit over-weight, but that's fine because her voice, personality, and charm make up for her short comings. It's been a long time since I have been waiting for my true love to come, and now that I met Tyresa, it feels weird to have these feelings for her. I hope I can relax around her and not feel nervous or shy about my feelings for her. I hope I can relax around her and not feel nervous or shy about my feelings for her. I hope this is love that I'm feeling for her and not lust.
Friday, December 30, 1994
I'm on my way to see Phil in Harker Heights, TX. It's the first time I seen Phil since 1991 or 92. I'm spending four days with him and returning on Monday, Jan 2, 1995. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again, even though I wish I can see Tyresa some more.
Wednesday, November 27, 1996 (the date was whited-out and written over in 2 different spots but both times it says 1996. I think he went back after a period of time and changed it and maybe changed it back, I'm not sure. Not sure what happened to the missing entries, either... this is the very next page).
On Sunday, November 10, 1996, I answered an ad in the person to personals in the Times-Picayune. Her name is Marilyn, she's 31 years old, and has one 11-year-old son. We first met at the Oakwood Mall in Gretna, Louisiana, on Friday, November 26, 1996, for coffee and conversations. We got along great, she had to go to a party later that night so we decide to try to see each other Sunday, Nov 24, 1996. And we did and we had even a better time then I would've imagine.
I hope the future is bright for us as a couple and not just as friends, because I do believe this is the one that I have been dreaming for, for a long time. God in Heaven please make this one real. We have so much in common, we both love Walt Disney World, we are both rebels, she and I both wants to travel. I love this new feeling in my body. It makes my life seem so more bearable.
He actually posts the physical cut out of the personal ad that Marilyn placed and it's here:
31-year-old SBF, full of lie and love, seeks a 27 to 38-year old SW/Hispanic M of character and morals, who wants a deeply spiritual, meaningful relationship.
UPDATE - May 17, 1996
It didn't work out as well as I would've wanted. She used me and really set me back financially but, the sun will shine and I will bounce back again.
Thursday, Jun 1, 1995
Tonight, I've seen the first and lance concert from Ned's Atomic Dustbin. They had broken up just after their tour had ended. It's a shame they couldn't make it either by sales or relations between themselves. It was my first concert that I exp. slam-dancing and it was a night-mare, I didn't enjoy it at all. At least the whole concert wasn't that bad as the slam-dancing, because, I had a great time seeing them in concert.
Wednesday, March 10, 1999 (again no explanation for dates or missing time... this was the very next page)
Before setting out on this night to see Stabbing Westward and Placebo, I had a phone call from a woman that I had previous call and answered her ad in the personals. While talking to her, I had mentioned the fact that I was going to a concert later that night. So, I coordinally ask her out to join me at the concert and she accepts.
After our phone call, we decided to meet at Tipitina's on South Peters in the French Quarter at 9:30 P.M. Her name is Stella, she is originally from Utah or Las Vegas, nevada. So, after driving around the warehouse district to try to find The Howlin Wolf' we get there on time to see Placebo on stage to there set while Placebo was playing, Stella saw someone familiar next to her, it was Trent Reznor of Nine-Inch-Nails and like almost any woman obsessed with a performer she couldn't almost container herself.
Overall, we had a great time at the concert and it would be nice if Stella would call me again for another date. But, I not going to worry about it no more if a girl or woman will calls me after a date or not. It's time to put me first and women, second!
That was the very last entry. Hopefully he put himself first and moved on from all of this drama! We wish him the best future and hope he found love and happiness.
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